Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Preaching to the introverted

Oakland, California - 10:30AM

*Knock at the door*

I peer through the net curtain. It is an elderly black man. I do not know this man, so I am about to make the decision not to answer, when I notice his most excellent hat.

I curse my love of hats.

I notice I am wearing my pajamas inside out.

I open the door.

I smell religion.

ME "Hey..."

Elderly Black Man "Good morning sir, how are you today?"

Me "Err yeah, alright thanks" (looks quizzically)

EBM "I'm here to tell you about the lord"

Me (actually groans) "OK, well what about him?"

EBM "Would you be willing to let the lord into your life?"

Me "Sir, you've knocked on the wrong door here, I don't want to waste your time. I'm a nihilist. I don't believe in anything"

EBM (Visibly taken aback) "You believe in nothing at all?"

Me "That's correct"

EBM "Do you believe I'm real?"

Me (narrowing eyes, tilting head and smiling) "I'll give you the benefit of the doubt"

EBM "Do believe in government?"

Me (very very confused) "What?"

EBM (holds out leaflet towards my hand)

Me "To be honest with you, organised religion actually physically disgusts me"

EBM (physically takes a step backwards)

FIVE SECOND PAUSE

EBM "Can I provide you with some information to try and change your mind?"

Me "I like your hat"

FIVE SECONDS OF SILENCE

EBM (shakes head and sighs before walking away) "Have a nice day"

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