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Naked flush draw

I was in Austria. It was winter. The time was after midnight.

I had busted the main event of a large poker festival. It had been close to the bubble in a hand where I had got it in good and been outdrawn on the river. I had invested the maximum time and emotional energy for no financial reward. I wasn't in a great frame of mind. The walk back to my accommodation took around 15 minutes. I remember it was snowing and that I had inappropriate footwear. My room was cheap and quiet, ideal for my needs. But there was a caveat to consider that I had half forgotten.

When travelling for poker I often book someone's spare room instead of a whole apartment as it works out more affordable and I am hardly ever there. This time my host was a jovial guy in his 50s. He was awake when I got home and greeted me in the lounge with a friendly hello. I'd already been there three days but he took this moment to decide to ask me about life as a professional poker player. He asked all of the questions that every poker player has been asked many times.

"Do I count cards?"
"Isn't live poker totally different from online?"
"Do I have a poker face?"
"But how much did you lose?"

I wasn't in the mood for this conversation right now having just busted a big tournament. But I am British and therefore out of politeness to avoid confrontation - I fully committed to the poker chat with my host.

I should mention one more thing. The man I was talking to wasn't wearing any clothes. He was a nudist.

Yes, I did know this information before I booked. That would explain the price being cheaper at his place than almost everywhere else in the area. I am a huge expenses nit so Austrians in the buff were a perfectly acceptable tradeoff for lower expenses on the trip.

My host had reminded me again when I had arrived and I assured him that I was cool with it. He also told me that I could get naked whenever I wanted and join in with the nudist lifestyle, although so far I had not partaken.

I hadn't seen him much since I had got there and he had been fully clothed each time, so this crucial detail had half slipped my mind. Now here I was, disappointed and half steaming from being knocked out of the tournament, talking about my bad beat with a naked man. Is this something Phil Ivey ever had to deal with?

I wondered if I should also get nude? What was the etiquette here? We had already been talking for around 10-15 minutes and I felt like if I was going to do it I should have stripped off straight away when the conversation began. Now was clearly too late. It would be half-hearted.

I ploughed on with the chat but I had to change the topic. I find talking about poker with strangers who don't know anything about it a bit awkward and stilted at the best of times. And that is with people fully clothed. I asked him about naturism and why he was into it. He was really passionate about the subject and filled me in on the lifestyle. He was an incredibly nice and charming guy. An incredibly nice and charming naked guy. Chatting with him cheered me right up. I even half regretted not getting naked with him.


Being a naturist sounded not bad at all. Clothes are pretty stupid and arbitrary anyway and there would certainly be a lot less laundry to do. The summer was no problem. I envisioned lots of frolicking in forests and swimming in lakes while communing with nature. Quite idyllic. Winter would be more tricky and a good heating system would be necessary. Or perhaps being a seasonal nudist was better?

The experience of renting the spare room of an Austrian nudist was excellent and far more rewarding than staying in a generic and sterile chain hotel. And think about all that money I saved on my expenses. Allen 'Chainsaw' Kessler would surely approve.

The Chip Race

I did talk about one or two of my worst and strangest accommodation experiences when playing poker in a recent episode of The Chip Race Podcast in which I was a guest. You should check it out.

I may write more about that subject in the future. Cockroaches, abandoned ballet studios, boats with no electricity and slightly unhinged Trump fans with pick up trucks and a penchant for firearms could feature.

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