The Thai Park takes place in southwest Berlin every weekend.
From spring to autumn a bunch of Thai ladies gather with camping stoves, cool boxes and supplies and make various delicious dishes. It got kind of famous now and there are always rumours that it will close down but each year so far it has started up again with the warmer weather. The 'soup lady' from the park even now has her own Imbiss (small restaurant) called Thai Art and all food there is always tasty.
On this occasion several years ago the park was busy and buzzing as usual. The crowd sat around the park on the grass and blankets enjoying the food, sunbathing and having a generally lovely time in the sun.
Set apart slightly there were a collection of older men seated around a table in a shady spot under a tree. I ambled over and saw that they were playing poker. Texas Holdem in fact. I watched a while longer and it appeared that they were playing for real money and there was a guy with a not suspicious at all briefcase standing nearby doing the cash in and cash out.
Recently I listened to an episode of the Two Lives Podcast where poker professional JC Alvarado talked about various dodgy and dubious cash games he had played around the world. He talked about private games in Asia where he suspected he might be cheated, angleshot or robbed and one particular game with drug dealers in Mexico where he surmised that being murdered was also a possibility. Of course, he still played in the games. Why? Because he reckoned that these particular games were probably the best value in the world at the time and he hoped to make enough money to get out before they went bad.
Seat open
Watching this game in the park for ten minutes I had similar feelings to Alvarado (although without the being murdered part). The bet sizes were all over the place, the action was loose and the players were emotional and passionate. There was a lot of gesticulation and shouting in a language I didn't understand. The play was erratic and bad. Very bad. All seven players were Asian (I guess Thai) and there were two seats open. Were the open seats a trap to lure unsuspecting suckers like myself or was this a great opportunity to make some cash?
I was wary. We were in the middle of a public park. My German was bad and my Thai was non-existent. I wasn't sure this was a good idea at all. I didn't know these people. I didn't know if the game was rigged or simply trap to fleece the gullible.
Obviously I took the empty seat.
As I negotiated obtaining some chips, my fellow players were delighted to see me. As we said our hellos, I tried to make direct eye contact with each player to attempt work out who was most likely to angleshoot me. I planned to stick to the cash game strategy of my friend Sergei - buy in for the minimum and play tight until you see how the game is set up.
I folded the first two hands. Easy decisions. Then something strange happened. A series of whistles and some shouting. A kid ran up to the table breathlessly with seemingly important information. The man with the suitcase gave a speech to the table - which in retrospect I would translate as 'act natural guys and don't mention the money!' and then scarpered to the bushes. Was I going to get robbed without even playing a pot?
Twenty seconds later a transit van pulled up on the road nearby and the police got out. Uh oh. This particular kind of police were the Ordnungsamt.
I disliked these people. In my eyes they specialised in day to day annoying bureaucratic law and order offences. They had already tried to fine me several times for cycling on the pavement in Berlin. Even the 'Hugh Grant Factor' of bumbling British charm had shown limited impact on their cold stony hearts.
It's a fair cop
Yes it's true, the police had busted an illegal gambling game, but where was the evidence? We were simply a bunch of older Thai men and one scruffily dressed and confused white guy enjoying a friendly and fun game of cards in the park on a nice sunny day. What could be more wholesome and innocent than that? Out of the corner of my eye I saw the guy with the briefcase in the bushes in the distance away from the police. Standing there, in the shrubbery minding his own business on a sunny day in the park with a suitcase full of money and poker chips. All perfectly normal and above board.
At this point the Thai people managed to forget all of their English and German language skills but one of them began to liaise with the police in a kind of spokesman role. The cops asked me a couple of questions but I am sure quickly realised I was just some clueless gaijin and was of no use to them.
The police had a quick conflab to decide what to do and then the order was given. Confiscate the chairs! We were commanded to stand up and one by one the chairs were taken by the police. There were I think six or seven police people and each one (except the boss) took one or two chairs and carried them the fifty metres or so across the grass in a sad and weary single-file parade of furniture removal.
The offending seats were loaded into the back of the van. Job done. Some stern warnings were no doubt issued and the police moved on to their next task of the day - safe in the knowledge that we could no longer sit down around the table.
With the authorities gone I rubbed my metaphorical hands together and got ready to hop back into the juicy poker game. However it was at this point that the genius of the police plan began to shine through.
Poker is not really meant to be played standing up. It is a game for sitting, for slouching, for riffling chips, for lounging, for tensing up and staring your opponent down, for relaxing and smoking a cigarette, for resting one elbow on the table and propping your head up looking bored and disinterested.
The table was too high to sit or kneel on the floor and standing up and crouching was not going to be much fun after a while. Heated discussions took place and a few of the players began to grow impatient and grouchy. The word was put out, chairs were sought and people sent off to procure them but I could see the enthusiasm deflating from the game fast and the mood of wild gamble being replaced by one irritability and frustration.
Time for noodles
It was here that I began to come to my senses and realised that yes I was indeed in the middle of a public park playing cards with old Thai men whom I did not know. I walked over to the moneyman with the case who had now rejoined us and whispered to him those universal words - 'cash out'.
I had broken even in my first illegal park poker game. Looking back was clearly a good result. I said my goodbyes and made my way over to the foodstalls to enjoy some pad thai.
The next time I played poker outside was to be an altogether more successful occasion.
From spring to autumn a bunch of Thai ladies gather with camping stoves, cool boxes and supplies and make various delicious dishes. It got kind of famous now and there are always rumours that it will close down but each year so far it has started up again with the warmer weather. The 'soup lady' from the park even now has her own Imbiss (small restaurant) called Thai Art and all food there is always tasty.
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Photo from berlinfoodstories.com
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Set apart slightly there were a collection of older men seated around a table in a shady spot under a tree. I ambled over and saw that they were playing poker. Texas Holdem in fact. I watched a while longer and it appeared that they were playing for real money and there was a guy with a not suspicious at all briefcase standing nearby doing the cash in and cash out.
Recently I listened to an episode of the Two Lives Podcast where poker professional JC Alvarado talked about various dodgy and dubious cash games he had played around the world. He talked about private games in Asia where he suspected he might be cheated, angleshot or robbed and one particular game with drug dealers in Mexico where he surmised that being murdered was also a possibility. Of course, he still played in the games. Why? Because he reckoned that these particular games were probably the best value in the world at the time and he hoped to make enough money to get out before they went bad.
Seat open
Watching this game in the park for ten minutes I had similar feelings to Alvarado (although without the being murdered part). The bet sizes were all over the place, the action was loose and the players were emotional and passionate. There was a lot of gesticulation and shouting in a language I didn't understand. The play was erratic and bad. Very bad. All seven players were Asian (I guess Thai) and there were two seats open. Were the open seats a trap to lure unsuspecting suckers like myself or was this a great opportunity to make some cash?
I was wary. We were in the middle of a public park. My German was bad and my Thai was non-existent. I wasn't sure this was a good idea at all. I didn't know these people. I didn't know if the game was rigged or simply trap to fleece the gullible.
Obviously I took the empty seat.
As I negotiated obtaining some chips, my fellow players were delighted to see me. As we said our hellos, I tried to make direct eye contact with each player to attempt work out who was most likely to angleshoot me. I planned to stick to the cash game strategy of my friend Sergei - buy in for the minimum and play tight until you see how the game is set up.
I folded the first two hands. Easy decisions. Then something strange happened. A series of whistles and some shouting. A kid ran up to the table breathlessly with seemingly important information. The man with the suitcase gave a speech to the table - which in retrospect I would translate as 'act natural guys and don't mention the money!' and then scarpered to the bushes. Was I going to get robbed without even playing a pot?
Twenty seconds later a transit van pulled up on the road nearby and the police got out. Uh oh. This particular kind of police were the Ordnungsamt.
I disliked these people. In my eyes they specialised in day to day annoying bureaucratic law and order offences. They had already tried to fine me several times for cycling on the pavement in Berlin. Even the 'Hugh Grant Factor' of bumbling British charm had shown limited impact on their cold stony hearts.
It's a fair cop
Yes it's true, the police had busted an illegal gambling game, but where was the evidence? We were simply a bunch of older Thai men and one scruffily dressed and confused white guy enjoying a friendly and fun game of cards in the park on a nice sunny day. What could be more wholesome and innocent than that? Out of the corner of my eye I saw the guy with the briefcase in the bushes in the distance away from the police. Standing there, in the shrubbery minding his own business on a sunny day in the park with a suitcase full of money and poker chips. All perfectly normal and above board.
At this point the Thai people managed to forget all of their English and German language skills but one of them began to liaise with the police in a kind of spokesman role. The cops asked me a couple of questions but I am sure quickly realised I was just some clueless gaijin and was of no use to them.
The offending seats were loaded into the back of the van. Job done. Some stern warnings were no doubt issued and the police moved on to their next task of the day - safe in the knowledge that we could no longer sit down around the table.
With the authorities gone I rubbed my metaphorical hands together and got ready to hop back into the juicy poker game. However it was at this point that the genius of the police plan began to shine through.
 |
| Bored and disinterested poker face (photo: Mickey May) |
The table was too high to sit or kneel on the floor and standing up and crouching was not going to be much fun after a while. Heated discussions took place and a few of the players began to grow impatient and grouchy. The word was put out, chairs were sought and people sent off to procure them but I could see the enthusiasm deflating from the game fast and the mood of wild gamble being replaced by one irritability and frustration.
Time for noodles
It was here that I began to come to my senses and realised that yes I was indeed in the middle of a public park playing cards with old Thai men whom I did not know. I walked over to the moneyman with the case who had now rejoined us and whispered to him those universal words - 'cash out'.
I had broken even in my first illegal park poker game. Looking back was clearly a good result. I said my goodbyes and made my way over to the foodstalls to enjoy some pad thai.
The next time I played poker outside was to be an altogether more successful occasion.
Comments
My favorite outsider identity word is Gweilo from Macau / HK, especially when garishly put across cheap t-shirts. Foreign devil ghost man is some of the best mental imagery ever.
Glad you avoided arrest, again! Your charm never fails.