This Bogus Poetry

The guy in seat one is seemingly asleep at the table, a mound of chips in front of him. When it is his turn to act the dealer hits his hand on the felt to rouse the snoozer from his slumber. He will then play his hand and promptly doze off again. The snoozer played the 30/60 game all night and it seems he did pretty decently. When the 15/30 game began at noon he dropped down in stakes and dropped off to sleep. It’s a mystery to me why he doesn’t go home, but occasionally I do wonder if some of these sick gamblers have homes to go to. When I open raise from middle position and the snoozer rouses himself to unceremoniously three bet me, it brings a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘he woke up with a big hand’. Meanwhile, in seats six and seven, two elderly Greek guys have got a bet on the Milan v Man Utd game. Never mind the rudimentary understanding of the rules of ‘soccer’, nor which team is which, there’s a match on the TV and it can be wagered upon! I try to get in on the action but s...

Guy in Seat Ten : Have you seen Charlie lately? Floorman : Charlie...? Seat Ten : You know... Charlie... Big Charlie... Floorman : Oh, Big Charlie... Seat Ten : Is he still alive? Floorman : Nooooo, he died a long time ago. Let me see. I won that tournament in Hayward in 87 and he died a little bit after that. Probably before this kid (gestures to me) was born. Me : Well I think I can safely say I didn't play against him. Seat Ten : ...(pause for contemplation) Do you remember his wife? Floorman : Oh his wife! She was a real piece of work. Seat Ten : Small but vicious. Floorman : You're telling me... She had a problem with the drink. Seat Ten : *nods* Floorman : We had to bar her in the end. One time she got so crazy at a Blackjack table that we had to move the whole table to carry on the game. She was just screaming and wouldn't leave her seat. We let her back in eventually though of course, though I think we barred her a second time. If I recall correctly, she attacked a ...

The Greek guy in seat three resembles former England goalkeeper Peter Shilton after the 1990 World Cup Semi Final - chubby, sweaty and with the haunted look of defeat in his eyes. Greek Peter Shilton thinks I am from Denmark, as only a 'Denmarker' would play in the fashion I am playing. Greek Peter Shilton is buying another rack of $5 chips. I am pleased about this as he is providing much of my daily wages. Greek Peter Shilton is not a very good poker player. The 15/30 at The Oaks is not too different to the 6/12 game. The players are a bit better. They think they are a lot better. And you get half price food. It's possible for a good player to make a lot more money at this game as they rake is a lot smaller proportion of the pot, so the house makes less of a percentage from each hand, taking less out of the game. Today I have been playing for a few hours and running very well. I have a large stack of chips in front of me. Greek Peter Shilton open limps from middle position...

6/12 Limit Hold’em at Oaks Cardroom in Emeryville, CA. It has been described as ‘the most ghetto cardroom in North America’ and I can see why. One of the first times I was there, a guy on an adjacent table flashed a gun and was swiftly pounced on by six security guys. That was at a No Limit table though. There is no such drama in the Limit section - after the gun incident, the middle aged lady next to me soon went back to her sudoko in between hands. Today the game is pretty average and I’m killing time whilst waiting for my seat at the 15/30 table. The lineup is something like this: - Your hero - Jovial middle aged white guy who looks slightly uneasy in casual clothing. I christen him ‘Mr Friday Night Poker’ He’s the home game with business buddies kind of guy. He watches the World Poker Tour and dreams of being Phil Hellmuth. He can’t beat 3/6 but insists on playing 6/12 'to beat the rake'. I get double pleasure from taking money from this guy. -An elderly black man (EBM) ...