This Bogus Poetry

When visiting Georgia my mum's advice was simple: " Don't cause any trouble " " But wait... What if I go to Gori, the town where Stalin was born and is still revered and worshipped like a God and somebody asks me my opinion about him? " " Say Stalin? I've never heard of him. Say you don't know who he is. " " Then how would I explain why I ended up in this smallish out of the way town in Georgia? " " Just say you are passing though. Say it is lovely place. " ----------------------------------------------------------------- Joseph Stalin was born in Gori in the Russian Empire (now Georgia) in 1878. The present day town has a population of around 50,000 people and is somewhat of a shrine and memorial to the genocidal Soviet dictator. Stalin is of course Georgia's most famous son to everybody in the world apart from Manchester City supporters. A marshrutka in action Getting to Gori from Tbilisi was to prove s...

There's a certain kind of a moustache which is a problem. You'd know it if you saw it. I'm talking about a shaved top lip on either side with a patch of quite thick hair beneath the nose remaining. Particularly if it's dark hair. There can only be two acceptable moments when a man sports this moustache. Firstly when shaving, when you do all the other bits and you leave that bit there to see what it looks like. Importantly you must make sure everyone is out and NOT take a photo. Secondly, when going to a genocidal dictator fancy dress party and you haven't got the depth or volume of top lip facial hair to pull off 'The Stalin', nor the scraggly beard to go for 'The Genghis Khan'. I was in the kebab shop this evening. This is not unusual. Tonight due to extreme hunger and a diverted train I was in a new establishment. The signs were mixed but taking the queue inside as a good omen, we dived in to shelter and hopefully to enjoy above average foo...

There he was in seat three. Bull necked, broad shouldered, shaven headed and clad in an expensive biker jacket. Several scars decorated his face and a glassy, lopsided but frankly quite threatening grin was spread across his face. The empty glasses half filled with melting ice by his side and the fact that he was loudly singing songs in Russian were a sign. This man was drunk. Very drunk indeed. It was after midnight. Approaching the money bubble in a turbo side event at EPT Prague. Surely the graveyard shift for any tournament director. The lady in charge on this particular evening struggled to contain the people on the rail who were of course also heavily drinking, shouting and frequently getting in the way. One man in a tracksuit even tried to break and balance tables and do her job for her. Several drinks had already been spilled, glasses smashed and a weary waiter with a dustpan, brush and mop was on permanent standby. The game was Texas Holdem with deuces wild. ...

I try to urinate every hour. Usually this lasts from 56 past to 57 past the hour. My bladder knows when it is time to go, at 50 past it is getting prepared, by 54 past it is positively bursting. In the izakayas of Tokyo my name is called aloud for its slow steady stream . In these times my life is compartmentalised into five minute windows. Sometimes I cook eggs, mostly I make toast. If I'm feeling daring I might run to the spätkauf (the corner store), but a queue there causes the mission to buy snacks to be abandoned. If I'm feeling organised I will eat cold Vietnamese takeaway food that I bought earlier that day, giving a rueful look to my broken microwave. At midnight I start to wonder if I will finish work before the good kebab shop closes. By 1:30 I know that only the crap one will still be open. At weekends there is the late night bakery and one can always walk in search of falafel. On a good night in the summer the birds begin to sing. When the sunlight starts peekin...

These are my favourite albums of 2011. I'm not saying they are the best, merely the ones I've listened to and enjoyed the most. --- 1. Glasvegas - Euphoric /// Heartbreak \\\ --- --- 2. PJ Harvey - Let England Shake --- --- 3. Mogwai - Hardcore Will Never Die But You Will --- --- 4. Cold Cave - Cherish The Light Years --- --- 5. True Widow - As High As The Highest Heavens And From The Center To The Circumference Of The Earth --- --- 6. Austra - Feel It Break --- --- 7. Anna Calvi - Anna Calvi --- --- 8. The Horrors - Skying --- --- 9. Zola Jesus - Conatus --- --- 10. EMA - Past Life Martyred Saints --- --- 11. White Lies - Ritual --- --- 12. Chelsea Wolfe - Apokalypsis --- --- 13. Eddie Vedder - Ukelele Songs --- --- 14. WU LYF - Go Tell Fire To The Mountain --- --- 15. Lykke Li - Wounded Rhymes --- --- And I don't really like the album that much, but this is my favourite single and video of the year She Wants Revenge - Take the World --- But mostly I've been listening ...

I close my eyes. The aroma of cheap hair gel and cigar smoke fills my nostrils. I feel my face being scrutinised. I hear the familiar click clack of poker chips, the drag of a cigarette and then the exhale. Did he just breathe his cigarette smoke on me on purpose? I pull the brim of my hat to cover my eyes further, try to remain still and control my breathing. My opponent is clearly frustrated and I know he is probably going to fold. I want him to fold. I try not to do anything, even to move. I don’t want to give him any ideas about making a hero call . Eventually, after a painfully long time, he folds. *** I had heard the poker games in Vienna were good, so had travelled to the Austrian capital to investigate. A nine hour train ride with Swedish backpackers later and I was in the suburbs of the Austrian capital. The Montesino Card Club is located in a very odd leisure complex, the centre piece of which is four large gas cylinders which have been decommissioned and converted for modern...

Recently I saw PJ Harvey play in Lisbon, Portugal. It was a most excellent show. Having been unable to secure tickets for London (sold out) and Berlin (German bureaucracy), I had resigned myself to not seeing PJ Harvey on this tour. When a show in Portugal was announced, I logged on and checked the seating plan. It was mostly sold, but there was one seat free on its own, centre 4th row. Well it would have been churlish not to buy it. The venue was great. On the university complex, the theatre was a beautiful Art Deco building constructed during the era of right wing control of the country, as it seemed did most of the buildings in the university. Firstly I must comment on the high quality selection of pastries behind the bar inside (you wouldn't get that at the Academy), next on the reasonably priced beer, drank in very small glasses as elsewhere in Lisbon. My seat was more of an armchair, with a great view of the stage. The venue even had wifi, so I sent some email whilst waiting ...