This Bogus Poetry

"Mate, you swim like a dickhead..." I'm in a small swimming baths in the suburbs of a provincial English city. I like to keep fit, though I've never ever been to a gym in my life, therefore swimming is a good solution. When I was about fourteen, I swam a mile. I have no idea how I did that. I would describe my swimming style as unorthodox. I guess this stems from my only real fear or phobia. Going underwater. I can't explain this fear and it makes no sense. I have no idea where it came from but I've always had it. It must be something to do with not being able to breathe, but that is not everything. Any others I've had, heights, needles - I've conquered without a problem. This one sticks. I remember when I was at school, I think probably the only detention I ever had was when I got into an argument with the PE teacher after I refused to dive to the bottom of the pool and get the brick. I said no, then I ended up getting out of the pool and totally refu...

5. New Order - World In Motion Remember when England were good at football? No I'm not talking about 2001 or even 1996 . It's time to go back to 1990. Gary Lineker banging in the goals. A svelte Gazza in his prime. Chris Waddle bounding down the wing, his mullet proudly trailing behind him. A beautiful sight for all Englishmen. In the video, witness Gillian Gilbert looking distinctly awkward, Keith Allen being a twat and Bernard Sumner driving across the pitch in a car, no doubt ruining the playing surface in the process. Perhaps this was the reason the team were unable to practice taking penalties? And of course, we have to mention the John Barnes rap at 2:30. For me, rather than Gazza's tears , this was the iconic image of the 1990 World Cup. Some say it was his best performance in an England shirt and I wouldn't disagree. The lyricism, the flow, the focus, the hip swivel - It's all there. In Stuart Maconie's excellent rock journalist biography Cider With Ro...

For no apparent reason whatsoever, I wanted to tell you about some of my all time favourite music videos. As a child of the MTV generation, music videos have always been really important to me. Some remind me of certain points in my life, others of certain people. Mostly they are just three and a half minute distractions. I'm not saying these are the best music videos ever, but for a variety of reasons, they are some of my favourites. 10. Depeche Mode - Enjoy The Silence Here's my theory. Dave Gahan is on his way back from a monarchy themed fancy dress party. It's late/early, the sun is just coming up. He takes a wrong turn just outside Basildon and finds a deckchair in a skip... I have no idea what was on Anton Corbijn's mind when he came up with the concept for this video, but I'm mighty glad he made it. --- 9. Bronski Beat - Smalltown Boy Firstly, I genuinely and truly love this song. The crux of the video is that Jimmy Sommerville has a homoerotic encounter in a...

On Sunday I finished 8th out of 4,394 players in the Sunday Warm-up on PokerStars for a cool $10,985. I don't play tourneys very often and it's my biggest ever tournament cash. It was nice to make it in probably the second most prestigious weekly online tournament. This was only the third time I've ever played the Million or the Warm-up and I enjoyed it a lot, though it was pretty nerve racking near the end. I managed to get hold of some chips early thanks to some kind donations and one or two suck outs and I was 10th in chips at the first break. From then on things got rolling and eventually some nine hours later we were at the final table. In the time in between I played on the same table as some great players (Kenny 'Kenny Rap' Weinstein, Anthony 'D1rtyR1v3r' Nardi and Kevin 'BeL0WaB0Ve' Saul ), as well of course as some complete donkeys. I felt like I learnt a lot from playing such a lengthy high profile tournament - The way things change at dif...

I'm hibernating. It feels like a bit of an in between time at the moment. Before something starts. Before the cogs begin to whir and and wheels begin to turn. Before an event of significance happens. Somehow, I find myself in Leeds, in the north of England. Living in a residential area filled with chavs, small aggressive dogs and hyperactive children called Kane and Kyle. I feel like I'm preparing, getting ready for something important. Or maybe it is just nice to tell myself that, to justify this downtime, this isolation from seemingly normal everyday existence. I have spent some time thinking about Buddhism and I want to know more. I have spent some time pondering Polyamory and I would like to investigate further. And I suspect that I spend more time than most ruminating on the best way to play two overcards, in a shorthanded Limit Texas Hold'em game, when you've been just been check-raised by an aggressive opponent on the flop. Poker player Andy Black spent five year...